Recently, I have been subjected to a major crisis and a major miracle. The crisis revolves around my ever decreasing source of revenue while the miracle is being experienced vicariously through a friend. I find these two often go hand-in-hand, the crisis carrying the promise of a miracle to come... albeit undefined.
The familiar panic has been invading every facet of life from strange and out of control dreams to a constant and ambiguous anxiety that sits in my chest right in the middle of my rib cage. It is a situation that I have become well familiar with over the years. I call it the: You Can't Afford This phase. And although I generally acknowledge that I cannot afford something and move on with it any way, there always comes a point where my situation literally beats me over the head and forces me to regard my situation with a sigh and drop of the shoulders. Usually in the form of an unexpected bill falling in my lap and smiling up at me "All done Karyn, all done". We have all been here.
But this is not the struggle.
I have been here before and know how to cut back and find work I'd rather not do. I have done it before and will do it again. The struggle is in the real losses of the things that are given up and the questions that it it prompts: Can I do this alone? Am I capable of seeing this through? Will I rise to the occasion or fail? Will I even attempt...?
After a year of many successes I can't help but wonder about what Phase 2 will look like. Enter The Miracle.
Less than 7 days after I began to wrestle with "Oh woe is me" my lack of resources I was informed by a friend that the impossible had, without effort or warning, happened. The impossible has shaken my foundation of reality, as I am sure it did the friends, to the core. It makes no sense and there is no wrapping the brain around it. The point is that the impossible has happened. So, can it not happen again?
I some times feel like life is more than just a jumble of chaotic happenings. Random chances. Things happen around me with a bizarre symmetry that compliments the other in a manner that I just cannot believe is completely random.
When we are making progress is when we are most vulnerable. It is so easy to give up. Especially, as is my case, if we were so good at running away before the journey started.
My reactions run deep. But they are just reactions. And I find that if I sit with them, more often than not they dissipate into the void from which they came and if I wait and am quiet, the solution appears and takes me into a new experience and way of being. An experience that would have been lost if not for these extreme situations.
I am making a conscious effort to stop the fear reactions and look at my situation from another perspective. The perspective of miracles and impossible things: the perspective of opportunity.
What opportunities lie in the guise of this crisis? What new thing am I about to learn? Where can I be grateful?
I can honestly say that I do not have all the answers BUT I can see the opportunity for greater independence and a definite change in direction. And I can find many things to be grateful for. The chance to experience all of this being at the top of the list.
So I put this challenge to you: What opportunities are piggy-backing the things that you fear most? What if your efforts actually worked? How can you take a step towards those impossible things? Those things of dreams that come clothed in nightmares? Can you find something in your crisis to be thankful for? Can you move ahead?
I sit here and type this and make my plans for the future. A future where cutting things out also means putting things in. A future where my crisis walks hand-in-hand with my miracle.
Tuesday 13 October 2015
Thursday 8 January 2015
Science of Happiness
"Sign me up!"
First mission? Introduce yourself. What makes you happy?
Great question! Some answers went without saying, such as free Tim's. And my cats.
Other I had to put some thought into.
Karyn's Happiness List
1. Bootcamp. Two-fold: Firstly, the immense satisfaction I get from actually accomplishing it. I do things in Bootcamp that I never thought possible. Like holding a 20lb weight above my head for 30 seconds. Second, the people there are so awesome. I am admitting an addiction to their sarcastic enthusiasm.
2. My Car. Best investment ever. I took the bus for about TWENTY YEARS! The freedom of owning my own vehicle and leaving whenever I want to is amazing. I feel bad about it running on dinosaurs, but what can you do?
3. Social Media. A lot of people complain about social media but I love it. It's a quick way to stay in touch with old friends and to make new ones. People get so creative. Without social media I wouldn't have discovered this course or cat-memes.
4. Morning Tea. After I feed my cats, I sit for half an hour in my papsan and enjoy a morning tea. I am often joined by my cats and it's a quiet morning, waiting for the sun, of warmth, purring, and yum. Perfect start.
5. Travel. There are three places I regularly visit: Buffalo, NY., Ottawa, ON., and California (care of my brother). I LOVE travel. Especially long trips. You have nothing to do while travelling but relax and look out the window. New scenery, whether passing forests on your way north or mountain tops on your way south, never gets dull, and always gives me a sense of wonder and connection.
6. New Friends. Specifically that moment when you realize someone new is now your friend. It's like crossing an invisible border and usually takes place with laughter.
7. Sarcasm. Connected to friendship. Sarcasm is like a code: If you can get it and dish it out, you're one of us. I couldn't live without sarcasm. It explains so much that makes no sense in this world.
What makes your list? Love to hear back!
Saturday 3 January 2015
Top Finds of 2014
2014 was my favorite year yet. Here are some awesome people, places, and things I found this year:
1. Primal Athletics in Oakville, On.
Anyone who knows me knows that I have never been physically... apt. That has started to change.With their motto of "We Build Better Bodies" I have definitely noticed progress since I began July 27. I was overweight, out of shape, and quite frankly terrified. With the attitude I experienced at Primal, that fear quickly turned to enthusiasm.
The owner/coach, Chris Leblanc, and his employees go out of their way to make every new member feel at home regardless of fitness level: and those levels range from couch-potato to athlete. Everyone is treated to the same level of belief in ability and camaraderie.
Why do I love Primal?
1. Belief. From day one Coach talked to me as if I was capable.
"Wait... you think I could actually do that one day? Sounds good to me! I'll do it."
It's amazing the things you can do when someone thinks you can.
2. Camaraderie. Coach always introduces new members and makes connections. It's awesome because not only are you making new friends but it's nice to know that who you are is as important as where work out.
3. Knowledgeable. Primal is a passion turned job which means that Coach is up on all the current info and well trained. It means I can trust what I get from him to be the best for where I am and where I want to go.
4. Personalization. We are all looking for different things, whether it's your workout or your meal plan, Coach caters to who you are and considers your lifestyle. A far cry from the blanket Meal-Plans and workout experiences I've previously encountered.
Check out their holiday specials and build your better body today!
Primal Athletics Website 647-896-3294
2. American Ninja Warrior.
I initially discovered this show last winter when I was suffering from acute boredom and looking for something to watch. The name sounded so ridiculous, it had to be good. I was not disappointed.
Why do I love American Ninja Warrior?
1. Ninjas. Seriously, who doesn't love ninjas? Based on the Japanese competition Sasuke, ANW sets competitors through a course of Mario Brothersesque obstacles. It's awesome!
2. Real People. ANW features real people competing for a $500 000 prize (which no one has yet won). Often with encouraging stories, I remember watching and thinking "Well, if she can get in shape enough to compete on this show, what's my excuse"? These are also people who will often accept your add on Facebook, too!
3. Job creation/dream fulfillment. Despite not having a champion, ANW is helping to fulfill dreams across America. It has created it's own obstacle course culture which is being realized as Ninja based gyms popping up all over the place, including mini-ninja obstacle events. Read on for an example.
3. Hybrid Fitness & Patrick Hall in Buffalo, NY.
Early in the year I began adding ninjas to my FB feed as an effort to flood my feed with inspiration as I embarked on my lifestyle shift. Patrick accepted my add. He owns Hybrid Fitness in Buffalo, NY.
Why do I love Hybrid Fitness and Patrick Hall?
1. Obstacle Course Gym. Always wanted to try American Ninja Warrior but missed the deadline? Training for Tough Mudder? Patrick's gym is an obstacle course style gym that gives you the workout training of famous ANW obstacles like The Warped Wall and Salmon Ladder that translate very well to other Obstacle Courses. I'm looking forward to training this spring for my own upcoming Tough Mudder run.
2. Real Guy. Real Story. Patrick isn't just another fit trainer barking orders. No. This is a real guy with his own story and struggles that he has overcome. He knows where you're coming from and can help you find and maintain motivation. He's also super nice and amiable in person.
3. Buffalo Ninja Warrior Events. Want to test your skills before you test your skills? Try one of Patrick's BNW Events. Patrick holds a mini-ANW type event every few months at his gym, which is also available for private events such as birthday parties. Give him a call to find out more!
Be sure to check out Patrick's great New Years deals on Facebook or give him a call!
Hybrid Fitness Tel: 716-544-3300
4. Soundcloud.
Soundcloud allows you to follow music artists, labels, and friend while discovering new music for free. Check out an example here
Why do I love Soundcloud?
1. Free. It's free. Need I say more?
2. New Artists. Although there are many established artists on Soundcloud the most awesome part is discovering new ones. Choose a stream and let it play... guaranteed to please.
3. Share your music. You can create and share Playlists but even more awesome is 180 free minutes of music uploads. So if you are a budding musician, this is a great way to get your sound out. Want more time or options? Soundcloud also has a paid Pro option.
4. Easy to use. Soundcloud is easy to figure out and use both on its website or its app (which is available on the App Store or GooglePlay. I often connect to it while driving and lay through my car. It's awesome.
5. Emily Kinney
Actress/singer/songwriter.
Why do I love Emily Kinney?
1. The Walking Dead. Emily played one of the most interesting characters to date on TWD, her claim to fame. Beth Greene was in many ways innocent but her character grew tougher without ever losing her light. Beth's character arc took us from a teen attempting suicide to a young woman willing and able to fight for herself and others. I went from "Oh, stop whining!" to "Hmmm, I'm interested in what she has to say."
2. Singer/songwriter. A find on Soundcloud (thank you Norman Reedus), my sister likened her to a singing teddy bear. But her lyrics, if you listen well, are a lot more substantial than that. Her voice comes across as innocent and youthful. Her words speak of longing, heartbreak, and yes, masturbation (Just Pretend). Looks and sounds can be decieving.
Check out her new EP Expired Loved and more at http://emilykinneymusic.com/store/
5. Fandlemonium: Candels for Geeks.
OMG! What?!? They create candles based on characters WE LOVE. Candles come with associated colours and scents. These are soybased candles.
Why do I love Fandlemonium?
1. Characters in a candle. Candle examples include:The Doctor (bananas with a hint of danger) or Sailor Moon (limited edition) "Sailor Moon smells like love, justice and serenity (Queen Serenity, of course!). What do those things smell like? Well, serenity reminds us a bit of a calming cup of peppermint tea, and justice smells like Sailor Moon's favorite food (cake!).
2. Custom Candles! A bit pricey but worth it. I got my sister a Peeta candle (Icing sugar, Fresh Bread and Pine). Sisters reaction + the comforting scent of Peeta Mellark? Priceless.
Check them out! http://fandlemonium.com/
2. The Theatrical Murders. These are grandiose and beautiful despite their heinous nature. The beauty of these deaths makes them even more difficult to swallow. Consciously, I know it's fiction but the fact that I think "Wow" at each new revelation is, in itself, horrific.
3. Conscious vs Unconscious. The portrayal and exploration of Will's mind is fascinating. Shown in both real-time discussions with psychiatrist (Hannibal) and as visions and dreams, the interplay of Will's physical reality and internal reality create an ethereal feel within the show.
If you don't have cable you can catch it on http://www.nbc.com/hannibal or Netflix if you live in Canada.
8. Button Poetry
Button Poetry features live readings of poems.
Why do I love Button Poetry?
1. SO GOOD! Who knew the spoken word could be so effective and entertaining? Often these poems feature some kind of issue near and dear to the poet. All are powerful. Examples: Boyfriend Material or Pass On
2. Emotional Outlets. These spoken words are clearly cathartic to those reciting them, what I didn't expect was their effect on me. I thought that listening to the challenges of others would get tiring but the opposite happened, I felt connected and uplifted.
Check it out at: http://buttonpoetry.com/
Anyone who knows me knows that I have never been physically... apt. That has started to change.With their motto of "We Build Better Bodies" I have definitely noticed progress since I began July 27. I was overweight, out of shape, and quite frankly terrified. With the attitude I experienced at Primal, that fear quickly turned to enthusiasm.
The owner/coach, Chris Leblanc, and his employees go out of their way to make every new member feel at home regardless of fitness level: and those levels range from couch-potato to athlete. Everyone is treated to the same level of belief in ability and camaraderie.
Why do I love Primal?
1. Belief. From day one Coach talked to me as if I was capable.
"Wait... you think I could actually do that one day? Sounds good to me! I'll do it."
It's amazing the things you can do when someone thinks you can.
2. Camaraderie. Coach always introduces new members and makes connections. It's awesome because not only are you making new friends but it's nice to know that who you are is as important as where work out.
3. Knowledgeable. Primal is a passion turned job which means that Coach is up on all the current info and well trained. It means I can trust what I get from him to be the best for where I am and where I want to go.
4. Personalization. We are all looking for different things, whether it's your workout or your meal plan, Coach caters to who you are and considers your lifestyle. A far cry from the blanket Meal-Plans and workout experiences I've previously encountered.
Check out their holiday specials and build your better body today!
Primal Athletics Website 647-896-3294
I initially discovered this show last winter when I was suffering from acute boredom and looking for something to watch. The name sounded so ridiculous, it had to be good. I was not disappointed.
Why do I love American Ninja Warrior?
1. Ninjas. Seriously, who doesn't love ninjas? Based on the Japanese competition Sasuke, ANW sets competitors through a course of Mario Brothersesque obstacles. It's awesome!
2. Real People. ANW features real people competing for a $500 000 prize (which no one has yet won). Often with encouraging stories, I remember watching and thinking "Well, if she can get in shape enough to compete on this show, what's my excuse"? These are also people who will often accept your add on Facebook, too!
3. Job creation/dream fulfillment. Despite not having a champion, ANW is helping to fulfill dreams across America. It has created it's own obstacle course culture which is being realized as Ninja based gyms popping up all over the place, including mini-ninja obstacle events. Read on for an example.
Early in the year I began adding ninjas to my FB feed as an effort to flood my feed with inspiration as I embarked on my lifestyle shift. Patrick accepted my add. He owns Hybrid Fitness in Buffalo, NY.
Why do I love Hybrid Fitness and Patrick Hall?
1. Obstacle Course Gym. Always wanted to try American Ninja Warrior but missed the deadline? Training for Tough Mudder? Patrick's gym is an obstacle course style gym that gives you the workout training of famous ANW obstacles like The Warped Wall and Salmon Ladder that translate very well to other Obstacle Courses. I'm looking forward to training this spring for my own upcoming Tough Mudder run.
2. Real Guy. Real Story. Patrick isn't just another fit trainer barking orders. No. This is a real guy with his own story and struggles that he has overcome. He knows where you're coming from and can help you find and maintain motivation. He's also super nice and amiable in person.
3. Buffalo Ninja Warrior Events. Want to test your skills before you test your skills? Try one of Patrick's BNW Events. Patrick holds a mini-ANW type event every few months at his gym, which is also available for private events such as birthday parties. Give him a call to find out more!
Be sure to check out Patrick's great New Years deals on Facebook or give him a call!
Hybrid Fitness Tel: 716-544-3300
Soundcloud allows you to follow music artists, labels, and friend while discovering new music for free. Check out an example here
Why do I love Soundcloud?
1. Free. It's free. Need I say more?
2. New Artists. Although there are many established artists on Soundcloud the most awesome part is discovering new ones. Choose a stream and let it play... guaranteed to please.
3. Share your music. You can create and share Playlists but even more awesome is 180 free minutes of music uploads. So if you are a budding musician, this is a great way to get your sound out. Want more time or options? Soundcloud also has a paid Pro option.
4. Easy to use. Soundcloud is easy to figure out and use both on its website or its app (which is available on the App Store or GooglePlay. I often connect to it while driving and lay through my car. It's awesome.
Actress/singer/songwriter.
Why do I love Emily Kinney?
1. The Walking Dead. Emily played one of the most interesting characters to date on TWD, her claim to fame. Beth Greene was in many ways innocent but her character grew tougher without ever losing her light. Beth's character arc took us from a teen attempting suicide to a young woman willing and able to fight for herself and others. I went from "Oh, stop whining!" to "Hmmm, I'm interested in what she has to say."
2. Singer/songwriter. A find on Soundcloud (thank you Norman Reedus), my sister likened her to a singing teddy bear. But her lyrics, if you listen well, are a lot more substantial than that. Her voice comes across as innocent and youthful. Her words speak of longing, heartbreak, and yes, masturbation (Just Pretend). Looks and sounds can be decieving.
Check out her new EP Expired Loved and more at http://emilykinneymusic.com/store/
5. Fandlemonium: Candels for Geeks.
OMG! What?!? They create candles based on characters WE LOVE. Candles come with associated colours and scents. These are soybased candles.
Why do I love Fandlemonium?
1. Characters in a candle. Candle examples include:The Doctor (bananas with a hint of danger) or Sailor Moon (limited edition) "Sailor Moon smells like love, justice and serenity (Queen Serenity, of course!). What do those things smell like? Well, serenity reminds us a bit of a calming cup of peppermint tea, and justice smells like Sailor Moon's favorite food (cake!).
Love is an ethereal and fragrant scent with a touch of sweet roses and berries.
2. Custom Candles! A bit pricey but worth it. I got my sister a Peeta candle (Icing sugar, Fresh Bread and Pine). Sisters reaction + the comforting scent of Peeta Mellark? Priceless.
3. Great Service. I ordered one for my sister 21 days before Christmas. I know, not cool me. BUT it came before the big day (despite it being the busy season) AND it came with a coupon for my next purchase.
6. Brenda Bieger's Art.
Brenda is a photo-artist living near Buffalo, NY. I find her pictures to be very calming and captivating.
Why do I love Brenda's Art?
1. Moving Photography. Brenda's technique involves moving or dancing as she takes her pictures. The outcome is what you see to the left. It is an effect gained in camera rather than in photoshop.
2. Emotion of the photos. Until I met Brenda, I had not appreciated anything abstract. But I find the lines and movement within her art to be relaxing and contemplative. They make me think while providing a sense of comfort and tranquility.
3. Conscious/Unconscious and Grecian Archetypes. Brenda's work involves water, exploration of the conscious and unconscious, perceptions of reality, and the ancient Dionysian and Apollonian archetypes. To read or listen to her interpretation of her art and the world around her creates a sense of wonder at the world both around and within ourselves.
7. Hannibal
Speaking of art, this show is amazing and achieves the suspension of disbelief, even though it shouldn't.
Why do I love Hannibal?
1. The Look. James Hawkinson is the Cinematographer for Hannibal and he does an amazing job. It's like watching a moving piece of art leaping off a museums wall. Between the colours and the use of slow motion, Hawkinson has created a work that is stand-alone. I don't need to hear the words in order to enjoy this show.... but I do.2. The Theatrical Murders. These are grandiose and beautiful despite their heinous nature. The beauty of these deaths makes them even more difficult to swallow. Consciously, I know it's fiction but the fact that I think "Wow" at each new revelation is, in itself, horrific.
3. Conscious vs Unconscious. The portrayal and exploration of Will's mind is fascinating. Shown in both real-time discussions with psychiatrist (Hannibal) and as visions and dreams, the interplay of Will's physical reality and internal reality create an ethereal feel within the show.
If you don't have cable you can catch it on http://www.nbc.com/hannibal or Netflix if you live in Canada.
8. Button Poetry
Button Poetry features live readings of poems.
Why do I love Button Poetry?
1. SO GOOD! Who knew the spoken word could be so effective and entertaining? Often these poems feature some kind of issue near and dear to the poet. All are powerful. Examples: Boyfriend Material or Pass On
2. Emotional Outlets. These spoken words are clearly cathartic to those reciting them, what I didn't expect was their effect on me. I thought that listening to the challenges of others would get tiring but the opposite happened, I felt connected and uplifted.
Check it out at: http://buttonpoetry.com/
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